Encounters with the bereaved

With as much kindness as words on paper or computer screen can reflect, I speak from the heart about that, which perhaps only a person who lost a loved one to eternal departure from this life can understand

When a loved one, or anyone, is grieving, please remember:

– Grief does not have a time limit. It does not get better with Time.

– Time itself doesn’t heal any wounds or sadness. It is the process a person goes through that may allow her or him to move through grief.

– Just because you feel it is time to move on, it ain’t so. It takes as long as it takes and often nobody knows. 

– There is no moving on; there is moving through. There is a lot of being stuck while figuring out how to move through.

– Leave your judgments at the door before you interact with someone who is grieving. What the heck, leave judgements by the door anytime, with anyone, including with yourself.

– It is not about you. You do not live someone else’s life. So do not bother to give any advice. 

– Appreciate the turmoils that the bereaved may be going through, 

– We all have egos and judgments. Leave them both at the door.

– If you desire to help and serve, use your two ears and heart first. Listen, from the heart. Take time to digest what is being said and equally unsaid, not what you will say next. This, too, goes a long way in all conversations, with the grieving and otherwise. 

– Help unconditionally, not in your own terms. Ask how you can be of service. The bereaved know what they need better than you, but may not have the courage to say it. If they do not have the energy to think what they need, use your ears and heart again and you may understand better what’s really needed.

– Weigh the importance of the minutia you may be occupied with before sharing them. On the scheme of things, perhaps they are not critical to take up time and space when real life and death matters may be on someone else’s mind. 

– When we truly can help someone, unconditionally, is when we may be closer to being liberated, without the chains we wrap ourselves in.

– Authenticity is even more important than ever. Its presence and absence can be detected easier than one might imagine. 

– Patience is a gift we can give to ourselves, and to those beloveds who go through life’s tremors.

– Practice kindness.

– Be genuine through it all. 
Yasemin