On Fathers Day

 

How to embody being, on such a day when many eagerly celebrate? This pondering nudge reminds me of the way of impermanence that our lives create.
My son is happy, joyful today, focusing on flying his paper airplanes. He is waiting to go row a boat with me and “bust some moves” on the Charles. I recall that my husband was the skilled rower. Now I am the only parent, being reminded by my seven year old, and that “I need to take him on the boat ride”.

My dad has crossed over a long time ago. I am not even able to relate to this day’s meaning as a daughter or remember him fully. I am entrenched in the experience of a wife and of a mother of a son who witnessed the passing of their family patriarch too soon. On this second commercialized June day to celebrate all dads without him, we are to decide how to live our day. To follow traditions, to make new traditions, to escape from the significance that has been created of this day, or to consider how we are supposed to be each and every day of our lives anyway.

    Meaning and purpose of life evolves, 

    as we experience what unfolds in ours. 

    For each precious moment we behold, 

    may we be able to savor their gift in our hearts. 

The humility, in the face of life’s vast power over us, is often staring us in the face even when we deny it. Some moments are more powerful than others, placing us in the gentle hands of knowing, to surrender and respect. Other times, we are left to contemplate.

As for my Father’s Day poem from my son’s perspective, below, I felt the desire to acknowledge where my son is placed with this life experience. The desire to honor it arose in me. I may be bold to think that I feel what my son feels and thinks some days. While he told me that he couldn’t think these thoughts himself, when I asked each one he said “yeah, I think that sometimes“.

To my husband, I am grateful for co-creating a precious son. He reminds me of you, while I do my best not to tell him how often, so that he can have the joy of growing up to be himself.

       On Fathers Day

Pure love could make me fly

Into your arms my dad

Feel your arms hold me tight

For an instant I feel so mad

Your life stolen from my dreams

Where normal included two parents

Where weekends meant ice creams

Bike rides, boat rides, lessons in science

I see your eyes smile at me

But that’s just a photo you see

I sense you shout your love to me

Over the threshold of life we carry
I whisper my love to you, quietly

Longing to feel your presence, fatherly,

My paper planes take hold of me

In my visions of you, I keep thee.

 

Through Esplanade bike rides 

Remote controlled boats on the Charles

Walks on sunny beaches

Home made toy car races

You helped me hold a power drill

Made paper planes my newfound skill

I witnessed your creativity shine

With windmills one day to be mine

Huge planes that take us to France

Train rides that go super fast

Laughter and meals with friends

Impromptu fun doing odds and ends 

Family get togethers so big

Where you were treated like king

Plans halted to travel by the sea

Or live somewhere called Montpellier

Train ride to visit you in another part

Of country, questions filling my mind

Get well balloon shaped like a heart

Confusion sadness hope intertwined

Waiting to receive you home healthy

Waking up one night to see you lastly

Then left with what happened to me

To you, to our family.

My mom and I will be fine

Souvenirs of life once upon a time 

We will soar on our side of life

While you soar, an angel in flight.
I have your dimpled smile

I too have a suave style 

You shared with me your brilliance

A joy of life and vivaciousness 
My mom keeps quiet 

as she watches me

She tiptoes around 

how much I resemble thee

My father you’ll always be

And I am your son forever truly.

Yasemin

June 17, 2016

2nd father day on the other side