Mindfulness of Grief – Noticing a Choice

We look for treasures in the darkness,    because the hope inside knows what’s possible. 

 

Grief had become a part of me since my husband passed over. Mindfully and neutrally observing its unfolding, today I had an awareness moment. I became more aware of how I have been dealing with it lately. This made me realize that now I have a choice and I have been exercising it. It felt powerful in a bittersweet way. I felt compassion towards my self-regulating in order to attain a normalcy of life. I also felt that this was a moment to write about and then to let go of.

The choice sometimes becomes my support system to move me through the day. More and more, I intend it so that I can continue with as much peace as I can muster. Grief may be here to stay in many forms. These days, I observe myself putting it in the back burner for as much as I can sustain it. Eventually, it becomes a guest again in the room of my heart. From nowhere, the words just come out: “I miss you.” If allowed, tears are ready to pour, maybe not in the deluge of a year ago, but in powerful welled up silence.

Sometimes I am aware that I am shifting gears to turn elsewhere, just until the longing passes. In the honoring of each and every moment is all I can be. As we each can be, no matter the circumstance.

Be still. Stay aware. Be neutral. Observe. Distance. Become love. Float in all and nothing at once.

A mindful wisdom seems palpable in helping during shifts of bereavement. These shifts are alive. They respond, whether they are tamed or they agree with their own volition. Their response to mindfulness allows the creation of silent, slow pockets of peace. The pockets in turn create moments of recovery. Fusing together such moments, a new made person arrives to realization of life’s treasures along with its darkness.

We look for treasures in the darkness,

because the hope inside knows what’s possible.

We come from emptiness. We are moving towards emptiness. There is some glory to be found in all of this, according to all the sages. Although, our reality shelters us so successfully from feeling the desire to be a part of empty. Yet, look at your own thoughts, each and every one of them. How do they arise? How do they subside? Can you truly find anything but emptiness where each originates from and dissolves into?

In loving kindness, to all those who grieve and those -seen and unseen- who stretch out with compassion.

Love,

Yasemin

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